You probably saw your significant other over Winter Break. Perhaps she is your high-school girlfriend or maybe a summer-fling-turned boyfriend. Now, I do give you props for making it to January (I will not be asking for the cheating record, although we all know it’s there). So after a full three weeks of continuous contact, your love is reinforced and impervious to anything and of course you guys can make it work. Right?
Wrong. As you two head back to your designated places of learning, the connection wavers. You still talk and text and say goodnight but the Skype dates suck (roommates kinda kill any chance of a sexy Skype date) and those dining halls are just ripe with fresh faces, including your Cafeteria Crush (come on, we all have one).
So now you both have agreed to an open relationship. You reassure each other that it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll cheat (yes it does) or find another hook up partner (yes it does) and it definitely doesn’t mean you’ll love him/her any less (yes it does). You say it’s so that you can fully experience the “college lifestyle” without defining exactly what that entails (so let me help you out: BOOZE. DRUGS. SEX. PARTIES. And you said it was just higher education.)
You’ve been released from those awful Skype dates and now only text him or her when you are bored (that’s what they’re there for- your booty call is for all other intensive purposes). But college is so stimulating that you aren’t getting bored quite nearly enough to stay interested, so the calls become obsolete and it is now down to the weekly text: “How’s college?”/”Good? Mine 2.”/”Aight babe, Ill txt you latr”.
You have begun to think about breaking up, a notion your friends wholeheartedly encourage. Rationalizing comes next. Why not? You have your new girl or guy to fall back on once you do it, so it’s not like you’ll be entering a dry spell… So you continue to work up the courage, putting it off week after week, waiting for the perfect time, stringing the other along…
Until it’s Spring Break. And the whole process starts all over again.
Moral of the story: Long Distance doesn’t work. Open relationships are complete crap. And if you are reading this thinking that this procedure will NEVER happen to you and your boo, I’m going to have to suggest you get your head examined. The unicorns and butterflies are screwing with your synapses.