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By Rock Comedian Brian Smith

If you have the same interests as me, then chances are you watched the 2010 MTV Movie Awards last night….on DVR. Although Aziz Ansari hosting the show along with appearances by a bunch of gorgeous celebrities (Sean White/Kristen Stewart excluded) would usually captivates my attention, I wasn’t going to miss the Stanley Cup Playoffs and the NBA Finals to watch the kids of Twilight make asses out of themselves on live television. However, there were 10 moments of this two-hour catastrophe that I did not fast forward through.

10. Aziz Ansari

I love Aziz Ansari, I really do. I recommend you remove his performance last night from your memory and watch Parks and Recreation, his Comedy Central stand-up special, or his minor, yet hysterical cameo roles in Funny People, The Rocker, and Get Him To The Greek. Although his sketches last night were funny, I was expecting much more from the usually hilarious rising star.

9. Christina Aguilera

There’s only one Lady Gaga in the world Christina. The only reason you make this list is because you literally lit up your vagina. Even after having a child, you continue to make every male and Ellen DeGeneres wish they too could light up your love box.

8. Betty White

Betty White is 88 years old, and is one sharp Grandma! If you missed her as host of SNL a few weeks ago, you got a taste of how talented of a woman she is, regardless of her age. Her mock senile, mini roast of Sandra Bullock was incredible, and she wasn’t kidding, her ovaries really are a national treasure! Even if she is sponsored by “oops I crapped my pants diapers for the elderly,” her unique brand of humor certainly makes you appreciate how young at heart she really is.

7. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg

When some guy from Harry Potter won the award for Best Villain over Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds), I quickly remembered I was watching an MTV Awards Show. However, when the kid came up to make his acceptance speech, he was “Kanyed” by the hanging duo of Will Ferrell and Mark Walberg. Once he started thanking his Mom and his girlfriend, the heckling was constant, making this British Actor realize there’s a good chance he wasted his 15 seconds of award show fame thanking a girl who’s clearly only dating him for his celebrity status.

6. Stunt Kidz

Any time Paul Scheer (The League), Rob Huevel (I Love You Man), and Aziz Ansari put a sketch together, you know you’re going to see something hilarious! Their Stunt Kidz sketch on child stunt doubles was genius! They even threw a low blow to Sex and The City 2; reminding guys with girlfriends that the next month of their lives is going to suck.

5. Twilight Acceptance Speeches

Since Twilight is evidently the Best Movie and has the best performances of any film released last year, I thought I’d take the time to share a few of my favorite quotes from the abundance of Twilight acceptance speeches

Kristen Stewart: “Ummm, uhhhh, thank you so much this is awesome. Uhhh I guess Twilight is really awesome and I really agree wooo. How cool is this? Umm, I’m going to peace out.”

Robert Pattinson: Uhhh, yea thanks most of all to you guys cuz uhhh yea, that’s the only person I can thank.

Sadly, these awful, live performances won’t prevent any fans from seeing the newest Twilight film. Once again, sorry guys with girlfriends…

4. Les Grossman

From his opening sketch to his dance routine featuring J-Lo, Tom Cruise as Les Grossman killed it! Although we never got to see him shove his arm up Precious’s ass, clench his fist, and pop out Snookie, we did get to see the bald headed, hairy bastard “Fuck his own face!”

3. Katy Perry

Who cares Katy Perry can’t dance. Did you see those titties?!? Did anyone else try to motorboat their HD TV because I did? Too bad 3-D TV is still a few months away.

2. Sandra Bullock/Scarlett Johansson Kiss

What do you get when a hot 25-year-old actress and an even hotter 45-year-old actress make out? A BONER!

1.Ed Helms and Ken Jeong: The Tiger Song

Recreating a metaphoric dream of one of the funniest scenes from The Hangover made my night! Ken Jeong’s Tiger dance and Ed Helms dream cloud outfit was brilliant! If it didn’t make your night, and wasn’t your favorite part of the 2010 MTV Movie Awards, then you’re a ruh-tard.

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Tags : Aziz AnsariBetty WhiteChristina AguileraEd HelmsJ-LoKaty PerryKen JeongLes GrossmanMark WahlbergMTV Movie AwardsSandra BullockScarlett JohannsonStunt KidzThe Tiger SongTwilightWill Ferrell

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