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Courtesy of Miggity of The Ultimate Hatelist.

The defining and iconic hand gesture, known as the shocker, is a way for college freshmen and Dane Cook fans everywhere to shift the focus off their “And 1” t-shirts and onto their forged sexual prowess. The flashing of this Abercrombie gang sign is generally accompanied by the motto, “two in the pink, one in the stink, bra,” which roughly translates to, “not only have I never pulled this move on any girl ever, but I am incapable of pulling ass in general and am going to lie to you about it by telling an implausible sex story involving this hot, drunk, and completely fabricated chick from the bar last night.”

The immaturity level of these individuals is not that big of a concern when compared to just how small their collective penises must be. Do us a favor. Put your visor on correctly, go back to your Old School and Animal House decorated dorm room, put on Dashboard Confessional or OAR and jerk-off to Entourage.

The overall concept of the shocker is a source of equally uncontrollable contempt all by itself. Between the plot lines of Cinemax porn, things my older brother told me, and my seemingly endless cold streak, sorting through the heaps of sexual misinformation has become nearly impossible. I mean, I used to think that blowing in a girl’s vagina would kill her. I found out it wasn’t true last week when I broke into my ex-girlfriend’s apartment and tried to murder her in her sleep using this method. I also used to believe that women could have orgasms. It’s crazy how gullible I am. All that being said, the shocker immediately strikes me as fucking retarded and something that no women could ever possibly enjoy. And I would know, seeing as I professionally and explicitly specialize in sexual exploits women don’t enjoy. It seems like it’d be closer to something you’d experience at the doctors office rather than on an erotic trip to Poundtown. Most women would probably even prefer finger-blasting themselves with a beer bottle, novelty foam finger, Yad, or Cheeto (puffed).

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Kathrina

The author Kathrina

Kathrina is an enthusiast of all-things college lifestyle. She's the expert!

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