My guy friends are un-apologetically outspoken, which roughly translates to being assholes. Add alcohol to the mix, and there isn’t even a phrase that can describe them. In a recent conversation they proceeded to tell a few girlfriends and myself all about what it’s like to be a woman. From what I’ve deduced, women are the superior sex because of the following perks, which the rest of society may or may not have caught onto. I refer to them as the unspoken perks of being a girl.
Their phrase, not mine. According to these guys, women get to claim a week and sometimes longer to rant and moan about every little thing under the sun. And, if we’re lucky, we get to guilt trip men into being our bitches because of all the pain we say we experience. Next time your shark week happens, don’t forget to make a guy march into the kitchen and make you a sandwich. I’m so serious.
I was hesitant to add this because as J*, one of the guys, mentioned — not all women have big enough breasts to make them eligible for this perk. However, B cups and larger are in the clear. According to J, we get to use our sweater puppies (because they’re equivalent to canines now) to our advantage when dealing with men. We can flaunt them around, make them appear bigger or smaller at our will, and basically have men drop to our knees because of these “puppies.” If you’re looking down right now, and your sweater puppies are covered, then you aren’t winning. Flaunt them!
Emotionally, women are fragile, though not as fragile as the proverbial glass ceiling. Our ability to cry because of a broken nail or at the drop of a puppy (a real one) has allowed us to become the better sex. We shed tears and get what we want. Don’t think you’ll get that luxury car for your birthday? Shed a tear in front of dad at the dealership. He’ll cave in two seconds. Need a way to get out of that ticket the officer is writing? Bawl like a baby and let the sweater puppies out of their cage – er, maybe not.
Sugar, Spice and all those other ingredients
Women are made from all the best water-soluble ingredients! Simply put, the guys say we’re born nice. This is why as children, “girls like the cutesy stuff like Care Bears and My Little Pony, and boys like the manly stuff like Transformers.” Sugar, spice, rainbows and butterflies equal the recipe for winning, I suppose.
We Can’t Drive
I know you’re thinking that not being able to drive is a negative. Yes, somehow the guys turned it into a positive. Women not being able to drive means men become the chauffeurs, and consequently, are at our beck and call when we want something. Reaching much? The boys don’t think so.
According to the boys, women have it good. In fact, we have it better than men because we don’t have to do much for ourselves. Next time you, a woman, want a man to do something for you, just say you’re menstruating, shed a tear, flash some cleavage and then smile. It’s bound to work in your favor. Men, I don’t know if you should be happy or sad about this. Either way you’re losing the battle of the sexes, according to other members of your sex.
*Initials are used to protect the guilty.