TIGER Sales UP Despite How Often He’s Been Going DOWN

So when we thought the media would finally put the Tiger Woods scandal to rest, we have to go back and check ourselves. Oh wait, Tiger decided that he would make his first tournament back on the tour arguably one of the most prestigious events in sports, The Masters! When Tiger announced this, what do ya know…? The media frenzy picked right back up, what a surprise, right? I suppose this is neither here nor there, but I just thought I needed to spout off a little bit about how much our media cares about the secret sexual excursions of our once beloved Tiger Woods… but wait, was he our “once beloved”, or is he STILL our beloved Tiger Woods?

It’s official… extramarital sex is taboo in America if you ask anyone to their face, but it sure didn’t show in the quarterly earnings of all those companies who decided to stick with Tiger Woods. One of those companies being Nike (one of, if not Tiger’s biggest sponsors) “stood behind” Tiger through his ordeal that opened with a drug induced nighttime run-in with a tree (at least learn how to drive under the influence Tiger if you’re gonna pop Ambien and who knows what else like Pez). This set our journey down a long, drawn out road to what the fuck in the first place was going on with Tiger Woods, his wife Elin, and the rest of the fam. And lastly the eventual opening of the vault, putting us in touch with the secret side of Tiger to which we (allegedly) learned he wasn’t just dominating golf, but also the wide world of…

Anyway, another digression, my apologies… back to Nike. This last quarter, Nike posted a 7% increase in revenue and a 9% increase in future orders, on top of a steadily rising stock on Wall Street. It wasn’t just Nike, other companies that focus on the sales of “Tiger Branded” apparel (i.e. the hat he wears with the TW logo on it) increased in growth as well. One company reported an 8% increase in sales of the aforementioned “Tiger Hat” alone. So at this I laugh (not at, but with Tiger I’m sure).

Why wouldn’t these companies hold on to Tiger? For god’s sake he’s a Billion Dollar Man (the first athlete to ever accomplish that). Economically speaking, the companies that dropped Tiger were being irresponsible if you ask me. The only answer to me is these companies (Accenture PLC, PepsiCo Inc.’s Gatorade, AT&T Ad Campaigns, etc.) must be more concerned with their image in the public eye than they are with their earnings and shareholders. Come on guys, I thought we’ve all learned by now that sex sells! At first sure, we don’t wanna hear about it on moral grounds, but then it all dilutes down into fun filled discussions and conspiracy theories. And again, what does all this talk do? It burns the name Tiger into our brains and name recognition is the key to the game folks.

For the record, I’ve always been a fan of Tiger, and still am a fan of Tiger… fck, I could care less about what he does in the bedroom; he could be putting from the rough on the side for all I care. Bottom line, I just love to watch (sorry Jack, I know you were the greatest and at the moment, maybe still) the greatest golfer of all time. That dude who revolutionized the game of golf (almost as much as Happy did, ha), that guy who forced Augusta to move its tees back just to make it fair for the others. But again, tangent…

My question is to all ya’ll out there, if we hate Tiger so much (for being a fraud and so on… shitty argument I’ve heard from people), why the hell are we still buying his shit? It’s almost as ironic as McDonalds having 99% of the commercial airtime during the Winter Olympics (throw up). But to me, it’s easy… I don’t support (and I’m sure the majority is with me) Tiger fucking around on Elin, but shit, he’s still the best. I intend to support Tiger Woods for everything he is, the greatest golfer of all time, who may happen to have a fetish for watching his mistresses in bed with the likes of Derek Jeter (by the way… who wouldn’t wanna say their girlfriend banged DJ) and sits somewhere near the top of the leader board of the Infidelity Fantasy League.

Tags : Accenture PLCAT&T Ad CampaignsAugustaDerek JeterElinGolfInfidelityPepsiCo Inc.’s GatoradeSponsorsStockTabooThe MastersTiger WoodsWall Street