Missing the playoffs must be hard. Especially when you play for the reigning World Champs and you’re one of the best pitchers in all of Baseball. What’s a Socialite to do? Tim Lincecum answered that burning question by grabbing hold of the sledge hammer of Epic and swinging it full force, doing $200,000 worth of damage to a San Francisco apartment. Or at least that is what the landlord is claiming.
Being in college, we’ve all dealt with bullshit damage claims and withheld security deposits. Landlords try to squeeze you, that’s the name of the game, so if they’re squeezing you for a couple hundred, a college kid who has on more than one occasion had to borrow money for pizza, imagine what they’ll try to snake out of a guy who makes $23 Million a year. Then again, if you made $23 Million a year, wouldn’t you walk into a place you didn’t own and wanna do some damage too? $200,000? Fuck it, lets make a tower out of electrical appliances and furniture and hang a funnel from it.
Here’s how I imagine the party went down. First of all, Brian Wilson was definitely in attendance and responsible for at least 75% of the damage. There is an un-checked maniac within that beard and he definitely went all-out on that little shindig. Part of me would have liked to have been there, part of me is a little afraid. I also imagine that any Hot Girl who happened to be a Giants fan in the immediate area was in attendance. I’m picturing a sea of black, orange, skin, and bleached blonde hair. If you read Jose Canseco’s book, you know that athletes love a good romp-fest.
All in all, the claims are probably 80% Bull Shit. In fact, the landlord conveniently tacked an extra $150,000 on to her lawsuit for “Time Lost.” Does that refer to the amount of time it took her to walk into the apartment, say “Oh My!” and call a bunch of contractors she probably has saved in her contacts? Also, I can’t imagine somebody’s time to be particularly valuable who’s career consists of sitting on her ass, waiting for rent checks. Maybe Lincecum did do $200,000 worth of damage. Maybe this bitch had a spot on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” and had to miss it to deal with the mayhem. Who the fuck cares? Not us Timmy. Keep doing what you do and we hope you don’t give up a dollar of that $23 Mil.