He’s taking the Denver Broncos into the playoffs with the throwing ability of my grandmother, he’s inspired the biggest internet trend since Planking, and now, a Colorado brewing company is giving him his own beer. I’m talking about Jesus’s personal gift to the people of Denver, virgin until marriage, Spring Break missionary trip, Tim Tebow. Brett Favre never got his own beer.
Bonfire Brewing Company, responsible for no Beer you’ve ever heard of but a brewery none the less, has announced that it will being production on Tebrew, the beer that will honor Tim Tebow for all that he has accomplished without the use of a professional grade throwing arm. For a little known Beer company, competing in a state that is home to Coors, this is a hell of a publicity stunt and some top notch marketing. Bush league salesmanship or no, the state of Colorado is Tebowing for Tebow. You see what I did there?
At least Bonfire has a sense of humor about it. According to an official statement, Tebrew is an American-style Barley Wine and “A high octane brew that could bring you to a knee.” They added that “It’s good for a variety of things – tolerating watching all that Tebowing, celebrating in victory or drowning the sorrow of a loss.” Tebow might even drink one if you told him it was Holy Water.
Barley Wine’s happen to be pretty high on the list of my favorite Beers. The official name is Tebrew Sunday Sipper, meaning it goes down slow but with some serious punch. The original and current batch was aged for 2 months, typical for stronger beers, and weighs in at 10% alcohol by volume. Not high enough to make the Top 5 Most Alcoholic Beers list, but have a few and it will flatten you to the ground like Tebow flattens a linebacker. 3 different kinds of Hops are used in the process so expect smooth but bitter.
Being in New York, chances are I will never get to try Tebrew. Even though I really hate to admit that I really want to. Kind of a metaphor for Tebow himself. If you don’t happen to be a Broncos’ fan and even though there’s a part of you that really, truly wants to like this dude that is killing NFL defenses with practically no talent in the most humble manner possible. Still, you’ll just never quite bring yourself to join the bandwagon. So Tebrew, I hope you are as awesome as you claim to be. I will admire you from a far and despite your draw and your greatness, I will try as hard as I can not to feel one way or the other. I have a reputation to uphold.