Top 10 Movies NOT to See With Your Parents

By: Lauren Cohen (University of Miami)

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There aren’t many things quite as uncomfortable as sitting in a movie, watching a steamy, intense sex scene… and then looking next to you and seeing your parents sitting next to you, alternating their eyes between the full-on nudity in front of them and… you. After one too many of these experiences (and what I feel may be years of therapy needed to recover from said experiences), I was inspired to make this list. Every movie on this list is one that I would definitely recommend you see, just leave the parenta’s at home.
10. The 40 Year Old Virgin– I’m going to use this movie to represent all movies of its kind (Knocked Up, Superbad, American Pie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, etc). I watched this with my parents (who are fairly liberal with this sort of thing, so they don’t count) and they thought it was hilarious…the problem? I put it on for my family, plus a Jewish orthodox family to watch together. The result? Not good.
9. Basic Instinct– Sharon Stone plays a bisexual serial killer in this campy 1992 film that catapulted her into stardom. The scene that did it? While her character is being questioned by the police, she crosses and un-crosses her legs, revealing that she’s not wearing anything under that seductive skirt. Upon seeing just how much the audience could see during a screening of the film, Stone went to director Paul Verhoeven and slapped him.
8. Boogie Nights– Set in “the golden age of pornography”, Boogie Nights focuses on high-school dropout turned porn-star Dirk Diggler (played by Mark Wahlberg), and his adventures in the porn industry from the 1970’s to 1980’s. The character of Dirk Diggler is based on porn legend John Holmes (most famous for having the largest…err, “member” in the porn industry). At the end of the film, we see the most of Marky Mark we can ever possibly see. Don’t be fooled though…its a prosthetic.
7. Little Children– Brimming with nudity, graphic sex scenes, infidelity, masturbation and pedophilia…well, you get the idea.
6. Chloe – You might think of Amanda Seyfried as Karen from Mean Girls (the one who’s breasts can always tell when its going to rain) or the girl from Mamma Mia, but after seeing this movie, you’ll never view her the same way again. Julianne Moore plays a doctor who, due to suspicions that her husband is cheating on her, hires an escort (Amanda Seyfried) to seduce her husband and report back on what happens. In short, the film pretty much turns into Fatal Attraction with lesbians…very naked lesbians.
5. Secretary– An unconventional office love story…involving an S&M relationship.  Kink factor: 100,000,000. I think the poster speaks for itself.
4. 9 1/2 Weeks/Unfaithful– Both directed by Adrian Lyne, these movies prove that the guy sure knows how to bring the heat into his films…and that he might have a sex addiction. I have never seen so much sex in one mainstream movie EVER!


3. Wild Things– Two scenes come to mind: The infamous threesome between Matt Dillon, Neve Campbell, and Denise Richards and the topless girl-on-girl pool makeout scene between Richards and Campbell. Need I say more?

2. A Clockwork Orange– Violence, sexual violence, and more violence…all set to an upbeat soundtrack.   The song “Singin’ in the Rain” will be forever altered in your mind.

…and our Number 1 spot goes to……….

1. Eyes Wide Shut– 20 minute orgy. Enough said.

What would you add to the list?

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