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By Rock Comedian: We Walked The Mile

Cinco de Mayo is Spanish for…. May 5th. It also happens to be a celebration of the Battle of Puebla, where Mexican soldiers defeated Napoleon’s army in a very bloody battle. That being said, I’m not here to give you a history lesson. I actually plagiarized that from another website. I will however, tell you the best things to do while celebrating America’s favorite Mexican holiday. 

5. Get High

According to, the biggest Mexican import in the U.S. is marijuana, which accounts for 70% of all the drugs being smuggled in from our southern neighbor. Hell, we might as well smoke their “motah,” especially since some poor farmer making 5 pesos a day just worked his ass off in 100-degree weather so we can get high on his national holiday.

4. Eat a Mexican Feast

If you take my advice on getting high, you’re almost certainly going to be in the mood to stuff your face. Head to your favorite Mexican restaurant and eat some authentic Mexican food. Start with a platter of nachos and an order of quesadillas, then work your way towards a delicious burrito, taco, or enchilada. You can have all three if you’re feeling adventurous, as many restaurants will have food and drink specials all day long. Just be sure to make a reservation and head to your local pharmacy to stock up on TUMS and Pepto-Bismol. You’re going to need both after this meal!

3. Rock a Sombrero

Nothing says it’s Cinco de Mayo like a Sombrero! These straw hats are cheap, look ridiculous, and will make you the coolest guy/girl wherever you’re at. They are also great icebreakers, as you’ll probably have tons of people begging you to wear it. And for all you single people, I guarantee it’s your ticket to a little Wednesday night fun.

2. “Beer Me”

Let’s face it; Cinco de Mayo is a drinking holiday. Not like we need any additional excuses to get wasted, but the bars are packed and everyone and their mothers are out. I don’t know how it’s possible not to have a great night! That being said, Mexico is the origin of some incredibly tasty brews. You can go the “American route” and have a Corona, but if you’re looking for a little more of that southern flavor, try a Negra Modelo or Modelo Especial. Don’t forget about Dos Equis either. They not only make great commercials, but also brew two delicious beers. Dos Equis Lager is a classic, rich lager, while Dos Equis Amber is a little lighter, and in my opinion, takes a steamer on a Corona. “Stay Thirsty My Friends!”

1. Tequila!

What’s Cinco de Mayo without tequila…and a lot of it? Christopher from The Sopranos is going to try to convince you to drink 1800 Reserva, but I’m telling you to go straight for the good stuff: Herradura! With four different types of tequila available, three of which are affordable, Herradura goes down smoother than any other reasonably priced tequila on the market. It tastes better than Patron, and is similar in price. You’ll still be hungover in the morning, but at least you won’t have the taste of stale Cuervo on your palate during the last week of classes.

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Tags : Cinco de Mayodrinking holidayMay 5thMexican Holidaymotah weedwear sombrero

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