By: Chelsea Weintraub (Quinnipiac University)
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“Can you come in here? …that’s all.”
Ah, yes, the fashion faux pas. While they make people watching that much more fascinating, please be sure you never fall victim to some of the worst fashion trends in history. Just because designers are making them and stores are carrying them does not make it acceptable for you to purchase. Here is a countdown of the items you should not have in your closet… and if you do, save yourself the embarrassment and burn it IMMEDIATELY.
10. Tie dye– Hippies only ever turned to this because they were stoned and didn’t know any better. We live in 2010. I’m all about DIY projects, but at least make something productive with your time that doesn’t stain your cuticles.
9. Crocs– unless you work in a hospital, like to garden, or are at least 60 years old, you should NOT be wearing these. They are down there with other hideous footwear like UGGS (yes, UGGS, they put the UGG in UGGLY).
8. Short shorts– there’s nothing worse than hot summer nights and being stuck behind a girl whose ass is eating her shorts. I’m sorry, but if your ‘donk’ is at the point of starvation, have some human decency and let it start eating itself, NOT your bottoms.
7. Belly shirts– if you can’t tone it, tan it. Sorry, but this doesn’t work if you have a perpetual muffin top. Have you ever noticed that it’s always the pudgy girls who think they can get away with a midriff? I’m sorry, but I don’t enjoy going out to stare at beer guts. It’s pretty repulsing if you ask me. I know places like Urban Outfitters and American Apparel carry midriffs, but they are meant for twigs and are to be worn with something high-waisted.
6. Multicolored pants– enough said.
5. Scrunchies– I love to think of the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie is out with Berger and he spots a woman wearing a scrunchie in public and Carrie is able to say that the woman’s not even from New York just by looking at her. I don’t even allow them in my bathroom.
4. Pleather pants– we all remember when Ross made the New Year’s Resolution to try something new every day and picked up a pair of leather pants. Pleather, leather, what’s the difference? Pleather looks cheap, tacky and trashy. Save it for your Halloween costume.
3. Butterfly clips– Yes, I once won an award for having the most butterfly clips possible in ONE hairdo. 26 to be exact. Did I mention I was 9? Yes, it was SO cute when you were in elementary school. But these should have been left back even once you graduated the 5th grade. Need to clip it back? Pick up some bobbie pins.
2. Bandanas– wait, so you don’t own a Harley OR live on a farm? Yeah. It’s cute if you’re en route to a hoe down. Do your hair-do a favor and get a cute headband before putting it through a hair-don’t.
1. Shape ups– TRUE LIFE. This was spotted while shopping on Fifth Avenue. THE Fifth Avenue. It made me wish that there were fashion police you had to get through before strolling along one of the most luxury blocks in all of Manhattan.
Look at your life, look at your fashion choices. And if you really think you look good in any of these pieces, try investing in a mirror that actually shows your reflection. By that I mean one that talks back to you. I’m sure there’s an app for that.
Ciao for now. Xoxo.