“Who’s The Boss?”: 5 Restaurant Manager Personalities

Waiting restaurant manager

I  was thinking about this the other day, and every restaurant is exactly the frickin same. That’s why waiters watch movies like “Waiting” and can always relate, because the same personalities exist everywhere. The restaurant business is unlike any other because the people are so bizarre. The personalities that are probably the most difficult to deal with is management, hands down. Here are the five types of managers you’ll meet in any restaurant after the jump.

Condescending boss

The Awkward, Condescending Manager

This is the manager who is incredibly entertaining to watch because you can’t believe someone like him exists. He doesn’t understand anything. You can tell him, “Hey, I rang in a soda by accident and need it to be taken off the table’s check, do you mind doing that for me?” And he will just frickin not understand. What should have been a 30-second explanation has now turned into a 5-minute ordeal, making you so uncomfortable, that now you keep frickin up throughout your shift. He’s the manager you hate to ask questions and who you hate to admit you fudgeed up to. He’s also socially awkward, is constantly staring at you in a condescending manner, and is under the impression everyone loves him when, in fact, it’s the opposite. This guy is probably about 40 years old and the restaurant is his life. Since he literally has nothing else going for him in his life (by the way, he also may or may not be THE 40-year-old virgin), he makes up for it by being on a constant power trip while at work. Don’t let it get to you since, let’s face it, this is all he has.

The Old Manager Who Can’t Do Anything Helpful

This guy has no business working at a restaurant anymore. First of all, years of eating at the restaurant have caused him to become severely overweight, borderline obese. This causes him to walk with somewhat of a waddle. It takes him nearly five minutes to walk from one end of the restaurant to the other. Second of all, he’s old. He should have retired from a business that requires long, ridiculous hours at least five years ago. He cannot handle the hours and strain anymore, so you will always find him sitting in a booth until he is forced to get up. Or he is sitting in the office on the computer doing God knows what. Or he’s waddling from one end of the restaurant to other other searching for scraps of food (sorry, that was mean). Either way, at no point during any of these scenarios is he useful to you as a manager. After tracking him down, you need to wait for him to waddle over to where you need him. This will drastically slow you down and will throw you in the weeds (for those of you who don’t know restaurant lingo, this basically means he fudges your rhythm up, and you will be behind with all your tables. This means lower tips).

Overly confident female manager

The Overly Confident Female Manager

Chances are, there’s probably only one female manager at the restaurant. Let’s face it, it’s a man’s world in the restaurant business. Honestly, I’m fine with that because the woman can go both ways. In my experience, the female manager has a split personality. On one hand, she’s frickin fabulous. She’s a lot of fun, flirts with all the guys, and loves to gossip and talk stuff with the girls. In other words, she’s a fun manager who you still respect. However, there is something you must remember. She is not your friend. The sad truth is this: she’s merely a fake bitch who’s trying too hard. She will talk stuff about you since she’s secretly a catty bitch, she she thinks she’s WAY more fabulous than she actually is. Sorry, sweetie, you’re still just a restaurant manager with stuffty hours and generally low pay. No disrespect, being a restaurant manager can be a great career for someone who wants it, but not when she’s a bitch who talks down to you for no reason. Plus, she’s pretty overweight since she has all the free food she wants literally at her fingertips. So once again, the jig is up bitch. You’re not that fabulous so don’t be fake and talk down to me. While you’re at it, join a frickin gym.

The Rational One with the Irrational Temper

This guy is my favorite. He’s probably slightly older (hopefully Spanish if he’s like mine) and has the aura of “I’m the man.” He’s the one you go to when you need something because he doesn’t seem to hold it against you and won’t hold a grudge later on. He’s usually super nice and understands that stuff happens. He also understands that you have a life outside of the restaurant and that this is probably your part-time college job. However, once in awhile, something happens where he gets real irrationally angry over something seemingly small. This happens rarely, so he’s still your favorite. But on these few occasions where he just goes frickin nuts, stay away. His temper can kill, so you have a right to be afraid. Stay on his good side and you’ll always do fine. If you’re not on his good side, prepare to find a new job stat.

guy staring at boobs

The One Who Inappropriately Hits on You

This guy is definitely my second favorite because at the very least, he provides you with an ego boost. He’s the kind of guy who will say (true story), “Yeah, you might have fudgeed up, but stuff happens. By the way, your tits look great! Keep up the good work.” And that’s it. Hey, you might not be a great waitress, but at least you got some tits. If you don’t have tits? Well then, you’re fudgeed. But this guy will always find a way to indirectly (or directly) hit on you every chance he gets. Usually at the most inappropriate of times. Everyone knows him and all the customers love him because he’s just out of his frickin mind. Guaranteed, 90% of the time you’re talking to him, he does at least two quick glances at your boobs, and every time you walk by, you catch him looking at your ass. Fortunately for him, he’s young enough for him to not be considered too creepy, while old enough to know he can’t touch you. Therefore, he’s harmless. He’ll always help you out, he’ll always have your back. Just indulge him with some low-cut tops.

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