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Worst Hookups Presents: Possible Side-Effects May Include…

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Unfortunately for me, I inherited the lovely disorder of insomnia. Sleeping just wasn’t something that fit normally into my schedule and I was prescribed Ambien for it. Unaware of its side effects, I had little idea what I was truly in for. I soon discovered that by staying awake after taking Ambien, I would be launched into an amazing, imaginative world of hallucinations, while at the same time becoming extremely horny.

My boyfriend and I had created a fairly regular schedule where he would sneak into my house at night so we could hook up. Being young we were always up for trying new things. The only problem was I had gotten into the habit of taking Ambien before he would come over. This was so I was always ready to go when he got there, because let’s face it, when you are in high school you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. It’s better to be totally out of your mind than to experience the awkwardness completely sober.

One night I had called him over as usual and was waiting in my room for him to arrive. I was feeling extra frisky so I popped a few more Ambien than I should have. When my boyfriend arrived we immediately got down to business. Right before we had sex, he suggested that I should tie him to the bed to amp things up a bit. Being in my eccentric, imaginative state, I immediately pranced off to find something useful to tie him up with. You would think that I could have used something non-lethal like scarves or something, but no, I had to take it one step further and grabbed several zip-ties.

He didn’t seem to think it was a good idea, but I had mounted him before he could say anything and of course boys never say no to a good pair of boobs, so he shut up. Unfortunately, by the time I had his wrists tied to my bed, the Ambien started to overpower my horniness. Literally mid-hump, I apparently decided it was bedtime. So I climbed off of my boyfriend, curled up on my floor, and promptly passed out.

As I woke up the next morning, very confused as to why I had woken up on my floor totally naked, I popped my head up to survey the rest of the room. There lay my furious boyfriend, still tied to the bed. Before I could even process what was going on, my unsuspecting father waltzed through my bedroom door to wake me up for school. My dad immediately turned and left the room. Seconds later he returned with a huge kitchen knife. As he approached, I jumped in front of my father, still totally naked and struggling to put clothes on, and tried to explain myself. But he walked past me and headed straight for the bed, with my still tied-up and terrified boyfriend laying there defenseless. Before I could stop him, my dad calmly cut my boyfriend loose, handed him a shirt and said “I would love to meet you upstairs for a little chat.”

Let’s just say my parents now know that I have sex and that I have always been a bit kinky.

* This story is dedicated to the amazing abilities of Ambien and the many fun years we had together. Thanks for making sure I don’t remember a thing I did during high school.

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