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bradwellen@precioustimeny.com

On Monday, we brought you five of the finest butchered lines in film history.  It is our pleasure to serve up the remaining portion of classic “edited for TV” movie lines that are guaranteed to have you in stitches and provide more entertainment than the original.  You’ll notice appearances by expletive extraordinaires Joe Pesci and Samuel L. Jackson.  Check out these items from the “WTF did they just say?” department.

Casino (1995)

Original Line: “Fuck me? Fuck me? You motherfucker!”

Edited Line:“Forget me? Forget you, you mother forgetter!”

This Martin Scorsese film uses the word “fuck” 398 times. That’s $106,629 per fuck! Or something like that, I wouldn’t check my math. But you can imagine a number of bizarre edits, particularly when Pesci goes off on one of his tirades. Here’s the edited desert scene just for your enjoyment:

The Exorcist (1973)

Original Line:“Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Karras, you faithless slime.”

Edited Line: “Your mother sews socks that smell, you faithless slime.”

Almost good enough to be on Wilmer Valderrama’s Yo Mamma. Actually, it probably was good enough. Still, it’s utterly preposterous.

Scarface (1983)

Original Line:“Where’d you get the beauty scar, tough guy? Eatin’ pussy?” and “This town like a great big pussy just waiting to get fucked”

Edited Line:“Where’d you get the beauty scar, tough guy? Eatin’ pineapple?” and “This town like a great big chicken just waiting to get plucked.”

Who knew of the dangers of eating pineapple? True, these are two separate distinct lines. But converting the ultraviolent, profane Scarface into a network-friendly film is sure to uncover a few gems. So we couldn’t leave either out.

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Original Line: “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”

Edited Line: “Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes, on this Monday to Friday Plane!”

The genius of replacing motherfucking with two different phrases in one line. Just in case you wanted some audio-visual proof:

Die Hard (1988)

Original Line:“Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!!!”

Edited Line:“Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!!!”

The edited version has gone through a few variations, ranging “melon farmer” to “my friend”, but Mr. Falcon takes the cake and is a true classic dub-over. Can it ever be topped?

No movie clip, but this will work:

Tags : CasinoDie HardEditsMovies on TVScarfaceSnakes on a PlaneThe Exorcist
Kathrina

The author Kathrina

Kathrina is an enthusiast of all-things college lifestyle. She's the expert!

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