Women always say guys have it easy. We don’t need to put on make up, have periods, give birth. Sure, all those things are great. But girls have no idea how hard it is to keep up the Manliness when there are so many guilty pleasures lurking about. Every guy has them, whether they want to admit it or not. However, we at Campus Socialite think it’s about time for an assessment of what’s manly and what’s not. The following 9 items might not put hair on your chest, but we’ve deliberated for hours, and determined that they are officially okay. If you watch (or God Forbid Read!) Twilight, please remain in the closet. But if you do any of these things, you no longer need to hide.
Champagne and orange juice. A combination of one of the girliest alcohol-laced liquids known to man…and orange juice. The Mimosa makes the Appletini look like Johnny Walker on the rocks. But here’s the thing: those 11:30 breakfasts, early weddings, and family parties where you’re trying scarf down pigs in a blanket at 9 in the morning. What else are you gonna drink? The women had it right all along because it’s time to start seeing the Mimosa for what it really is: a socially acceptable way to be drunk before lunch. Are you going to drink a Natty at 11 AM? Grow up dude! Ain’t nothing unmanly about Vitamin C and alcohol.
Grilled Chicken Salad
Warning you now. This is list is going to be sort of food heavy. Unfortunately, that’s where most male guilty pleasures come from, at least the now acceptable ones. When you picture a man meal in your head, I’m assuming the image contains some variety of red meat, potato and a beer. Nothing wrong with that. A Medium-Rare Porterhouse, Garlic Mashed, with a Pint of Brown Ale is ranked high on my favorite things in the world. But there are those nights where you feel like shit, maybe wanna lose some weight, need to conserve your energy. Go ahead bro, order the grilled chicken salad. It’s just been approved. Health is in, dude, and girls love it more than anything else. Besides, anything that leaves you with more energy and stomach space for beer is okay in my book. Order the salad dude. I bet it tastes fantastic.
Let’s move away from food for a while. Reality TV is hard for me to write about because I really, really hate it. In fact, I think it’s what is wrong with everything in the world. But as a journalist, I must be unbiased, and we’re at a point where Reality TV (sigh) is acceptable. I hear dudes talking about “Jersey Shore,” “The Voice,” “X Factor,” “American ‘Fucking’ Idol.” We held out long enough dudes, but it finally caught us. Go nuts, bros. Watch the Kardashians, Jon and Kate. Thrown on a Snuggie and grab a glass of White Zinf while you’re at it. There was just too much to resist. We never stood a chance.
The best thing to ever happen to girls at the gym since spandex. Just about everything on a girl’s body shakes when she’s on one of those. Let’s be honest here: The Elliptical was made to make girls look hot. During and after. More and more though, I’ve seen dudes, big fucking dudes on stationary bikes, treadmills, and even The Elliptical. So I tried it, and you know what? It’s a great fucking workout. Skinny is in and this thing is cardio to the max. One thing girls will always be better at is knowing how to be healthy and we should absolutely try to keep up. At the very least, it’ll give you the best view possible at that sweaty pair of funbags about 2 feet to your left.
“Healthy” Girls (Twice A Year)
Speaking of girls at the gym, not every girl has the time to get her body in tip top shape. Maybe she has a shitload of class work, maybe she has a twisted ankle, maybe she just really likes a donut (or six) with her morning coffee. I’m not gonna use the “F” word. I’m just gonna say “Healthy.” A true Socialite will steer clear, after all, men are shallow. But once in a while you’re gonna have a night where the primary target doesn’t work out. Maybe even the secondary and tertiary targets. You’re out of options, out of hand cream, and you just wanna get it in. Well TCS has good news: as long as you haven’t already reached your two-a-year quota, grab that one “Healthy” piece of meat in the big group of size 0’s and do your thing.
There are 240 calories in a 20-ounce bottle of Coca-Cola, and 65 grams of sugar. There are 0 of each in Diet Coke, and you know what? It really doesn’t taste that bad. Give it a month and you won’t even notice the difference. Decreased calories and sugar, negligible flavor difference. Nuff said.
Playing Video Games With A Girl
Maybe this will be familiar to you, but my girlfriend thinks she can name drop some Super Mario Brothers and roll with the big boys. Oh how wrong she is. Girls suck at video games – fact – and playing with them sucks even harder. But, at the end of the day, why start a fuss? Let her play. It’s kind of cute hearing her ask you how to throw a grenade for the 5th time while a group of Nazi Zombies converge. Besides, sometimes it’s nice to take a break from being killed by 12-year-olds, all of whom have fucked your mother, on Xbox live. Take the unworthy opponent and easy target in front of you and unleash all your video game and real life frustrations. So when your boy tells you he spent 2 hours putting 80 points up on the board in Madden against his girlfriend, leave him alone. You understand.
Go into any Yoga class and 80% of the people there will be women. That will never and should never change. I think more and more though, guys are actually starting to realize that Downward Dog Pose might not be the biggest waste of hard-earned energy. Yoga is not only fantastic for your body, but it’s a nice relaxing way to get a sweat going, increase your metabolism and it might even help you in the flexibility department. Always a plus. Also, need I mention that there’s no more fantastic way to meet girls than being the only dude in a room filled with them? By the way, they will all be wearing Yoga Pants.
Red Mango and Pink Berry are fucking delicious and you’ll have the best shit of your life 2 hours later. There couldn’t be anything more perfect. Even if it is often referred to as FroYo.