As the semester approaches, so does the time to prove yourself to your favorite fraternity or sorority on campus. We all know that some of these hazing rituals cannot only leave you looking and feeling dirty and disgusting, but many of these pledges are forbidden from showering. As this is the case, the Campus Socialite has compiled a list for ways for pledges to depict a clean, fresh image without ever stepping into the shower.
Puerto Rican Shower
We all know this technique, in fact, I did it this morning. You douse yourself with your favorite perfume or cologne to make others think you smell good, when it is really just masking your skin’s repulsive pledge sweat. Maybe mix it up, don’t do the old Puerto Rican way of going crazy with cologne, but instead, clean yourself up with Axe. This way, if someone is overwhelmed by your manly Axe smell, it could potentially be because you’re just SO clean that you reek of Axe, not because you’re actually super dirty. Catch my drift?
Scrub Up with Poland Spring and Dove
The old Road Trip maneuver. Go into the back alley with your nasty body and shady self, and pour that Poland Spring bottle all over with a bar of Dove soap. Why Dove? Because it’s fresh. Why Poland Spring? I don’t know, choose Dasani if you prefer. Either way, sneak away from your pledge class and do us all a favor and sneak in that fake shower.
Take a Car Air Freshener and Do a Rub Down
Let’s say you just wake up after a tough, gross night of hazing, and you have to drive to class. You literally only have time to jump in your car and go. That’s all right, easy cure. Grab that Pine Fresh air freshener off your review mirror and give your body a rub down. This is guaranteed to keep you fresh for at least 1 hour and 20 minutes, or as long as your class is.
Douse Your Body with Purel
This one may seem the most obvious, since it’s everyone’s substitute for actual soap these days, but it’s also possibly the worst option. Purel, or hand sanitizer, can be found throughout college campuses, and in many banks, super markets, etc. throughout the country. The issue with Purel is, though, the smell. You will smell like complete rubbing alcohol if you choose to douse this product all over your body. So there’s the trade-off: it’s high accessibility vs. its rubbing alcohol scent. Also, if you have some hazing wounds, beware. We all know how hand sanitizer burns even the slightest paper cut.
Keep Smooth with Moisturizer
For ladies, lotion solves most problems. If you feel you smell slightly off and left that travel deodorant at home, lotion hides the smell. If you can’t wash your hands since there’s no soap or hand sanitizer in sight, lotion tricks your mind into believing
Shower with Febreze
This is the classic. If you have been forbidden to shower for an extended period of time and find you have been getting nasty looks from the general public as you walk to the bathroom, by all means utilize this product. As you enter either your girlfriend’s bathroom, a classy restaurant’s bathroom, or some other bathroom with Febreze inside, go wild spraying yourself silly. This way, when you leave, people might still be giving you the eye since you just clearly went nuts with Febreze, but at least you will smell like a freshly-cut meadow on a spring day.
This idea is genius. Invent in some of these scented decorative arrangements and shove that Potpourri in your pants and in your shirt sleeves to shield the body odor. Sure, it will be strange if a girl starts to go down on you and a bunch of smelly pine cones fall out, but at least you’re putting forth effort to smell better.
Smoke a Fat Blunt
Don’t smoke weed? Well, maybe you should start. Sure you will smell like weed, but at least you will no longer smell like feces scraped off the side of the road, or at least scraped from the floor of the frat house. As you pass people, sure they will think you’re a stoner, but they will still think you bathe.
Definitely invest in some incense. If you’re a chick, this won’t be difficult since it adds an element of comfort and tranquility for your room, but guys, it will divert the smell away from you. Even if you’re just at your girlfriend’s house and notice she has in-scents, there’s a better chance of you getting some if you stand over it for a couple of minutes wafting in the smell. This should cover up the smell long enough for a quickie.
Have you noticed after going through this list how many decorative scented items are out there to make you and your room smell better? Reed Diffusers are those clear tubes with the wooden sticks coming out of them, in case you had no idea what I was referring to. Next time you come across one of these items, you have a few options. 1. Carry it with you everywhere you go. 2. Take the stick and place it in your jeans pockets, maybe no one will notice. Or 3. Start rubbing the sticks all over your body, and be sure to get those hidden crevices that can usually be classified as the smelliest.
Or your last option, SHOWER and fuck pledging. You have a better chance of getting laid if you at least pretend to smell nice.