If Your Clique Was A Corporation


Your college years are a formative experience: You tend to care little for anyone but yourself, you prioritize adventure and danger over health and knowledge (for the most part), and you make countless amounts of new friends, but take your relationships with them for granted. When you graduate and join the workforce, you may begin to realize that a certain dynamic exists in your group of close friends – a dynamic that, interestingly enough, kind of mirrors a business model. Confused? I’ll give you several examples of corporate positions translated into college jargon, and you tell me where your friends and you fit in.

Operations Manager

He/she is your bottom bitch. If you need tasks or physical activities done, this is the person to go to. The best example of this friend in action? You might know it as the “designated driver” – the person recruited to stay sober and drive everyone to and from the bar, club, or concert venue (whatever the case may be). Need a lacky to help move all of your junk out of your dorm room at the end of spring semester? You can count on your Operations Manager to take a hands-on approach to this kind of job. They enjoy driving, helping, and being physically engaged, so make sure to fill their schedule with purposeful goals.

Social Media Director

Having problems remembering what you did yesterday? There’s at least one friend who kept track of the night through the use of social media: checking into Foursquare, constant Facebook and Twitter updates, and hundreds of pictures that archive last night’s festivities. Your names, faces, and good times get blasted out to hundreds of networked friends and acquaintances. It’s personal branding, as well as clique branding. You just better hope he/she is good at his or her job.

Public Relations

Embarrassing Facebook pictures are a thing of the past if you have a Public Relations mogul in your group of friends. This guy/gal will make sure you are looking your best at all times, in person and on the Internet; Because if you don’t look good, he/she doesn’t look good. If a ridiculous picture of you passed out with marker all over your face happens to end up on Facebook, don’t fret: You’ve got a PR agent to make sure it’s either taken down or put into proper context. Well done, public relations friend!

Comic Relief

Okay, so you aren’t going to see this position for hire in most modern corporations, but that doesn’t change the fact that it should exist – Even managers and executives need to laugh sometimes, and this friend is a professional when it comes to comedy. Of course, this position has the ability to overlap with others, and sometimes entire cliques can be comically inclined, which is always a plus.

Vice President of Affairs

You might know this friend by another name: Wingman. He/she is your right hand man for every occasion. They talk you up to members of the opposite sex, always have your best interests in mind, and most importantly, stand behind your decisions. Like a good VP, he/she will attempt to steer your entire clique for a course that is beneficial for as many friends as possible, but is also willing to support you in your individual decisions (should you decide to break off and pursue a grenade against everyone’s wishes). Not only that, but they’ll take the fall for any indiscretions from the night before.

Legal Advisor

On the other side of spectrum there’s your legal advisor, whose job it is to question every single decision your clique makes. He wonders whether it’s okay to venture into a restricted part of the beach, ponders the ramifications of drinking in a public place, and probably gets on everyone’s nerves because of it. Don’t hate him: he’s just doing his job. When something finally does go wrong, he’ll be the first one to say “I told you so.” What might seem like lame complaints are actually queries of reason and legality, so make sure to listen once in a while.


Dealing with money is always a hassle when you have a large group of close friends. If you go out to dinner and have to split the bill, someone has to take charge of letting everyone know what they owe and who they owe it to. It just so happens that, most of the time, the person who handles the finances of the clique is also the person who lends out the most money. Why? Well, if they’re giving out loans to their friends, you bet they’re keeping track of how much everyone owes and what for. This friend is also most likely to foot the bill for something (hotel, concert tickets, etc.) on a credit card and then accept cash payment in return. Awesome guy.

Social Chair

No one wants to take charge of a situation when they’re dealing with a whole group of possible flakes and excuse makers. But someone has to do it, and this guy/gal is willing to step up and be the leader when the need is dire. Looking to throw a party? Guaranteed that you have this friend around to plan every last detail: music, drinks, Facebook invites, flyers, and setting. This job is reserved for the most pro-active member of the clique, and if you’re currently the leader, you better watch out: The slightest slip-up could cause a coup d’etat, in which case you’ll be replaced by the second-in-command and repositioned much, much lower in the hierarchy of the corporate clique.


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