It’s a beautiful day for day drinking and my friends and I have just gotten tickets to an OAR concert. My first concert (believe it or not), so I’m extra pumped. Even though I barely listen to OAR, I hear the concerts are a sick drunk fest. We go out and get some alcohol and immediately start pounding Captain and Cokes. We take a couple of bottles to the face and bring some beers so we’re set. Read about this fucking crazy, drunken, jail-ridden experience after the jump.
We get a spot in the parking lot and start drinking. Since I’m the rookie of the group, they tell me to watch out for cops and to just walk away into the next section of the parking lot if they get too close. Okay, sounds simple enough. Cops drive by and I walk over into the next section…piece of fucking cake. We continue drinking, listening to music, having a good time. I’m about three Captain and Cokes deep, so I’m feeling pretty good right now. I switch to beer so I don’t get too wild and start to take it easy.
I’m standing next to a bunch of people by the cars when we hear a voice asking for IDs. I turn around and it’s a female cop yelling at kids telling them to give her their IDs. Of course, she makes direct eye contact with me. Fuck me, right? She looks at me and at my red solo cup (which is filled with beer) then makes a Goddamn V-line directly to me. “How old are you?” she asks with authority while walking toward me. Purely shitting myself, I reply the worst fucking answer that popped into my head, “Twenty-two.” She gets closer, “Let me see your ID.” I turn around and my friends are gone…what the fuck. I start walking away from the cop and throw my beer on the ground. I get behind the car and I think I’m home free…nah.
I get tackled from behind as if fucking Urlacher himself went after me. The lady cop wasn’t fucking around. She shoves me against a car, handcuffs me, and tells me to stop resisting. I’m not resisting, what the fuck. I just go with it and they put me in the cop car…are you serious? My first concert and I’m going to jail for it. They charge me with underage drinking, drinking in public, and failure to comply with a cop. Wow, what a lineup. They put three more guys in the car with me and we go to the station. We arrive at the station and they make us take our shoes, belts, and all necklaces and wristbands off. Shit, this is real. I sober up immediately and they put us in a huge holding cell with about five or six other guys. Of course, like every jail cell, there was a homeless guy who smelt like straight piss and vinegar passed out in the corner. I can’t fucking believe this.
I get my one phone call and call my buddy who was at the concert with me. I tell them where I am and he says he’ll be there as soon as possible. Thank god. While I’m here, might as well meet some of these guys. One guy is Jeff. He was arrested for smoking weed in his car and a cop caught him. Why he was just smoking by himself is beyond me, and sort of depressing, but whatever. Next is Dave. He was fucking tasered. He was in a fight with some guy and was tasered by the cops. Wow, that’s pretty impressive. Last is Rich. Rich only said this, “I’m not talking about it, go fuck yourselves.” Okay, I want to live, so not going to talk to Rich.
The cops come in and tell us they’re going to put us in our own cells. My cell is freezing cold and I’m lying down on a steel bench. I’m shivering and my teeth are chattering. I’m starting to think I will soon have to start working out and avoiding bending down for soap. I’ve been here for about three hours now and I give mad props to the people who serve life sentences. Not for what they did, but the fact that they live like this. I’m sitting there for another hour and they finally tell me I’ve been bailed out. Fucking yes! I sign a bunch of papers and they tell me a court date is set in a few days. I get picked up and leave. I tell my parents who (obviously) were fucking furious. My dad went from being extremely pissed off, to being disappointed, to now making fun of me with jail jokes. Not funny.
I go to court a few days later and I see Jeff, Dave, and Rich. Dave is wearing a full suit, as he fucking should. That bastard got tasered…a suit is the minimum of what he should wear. I sit in the court and see everybody going and hearing what he or she did. Jeff goes up and the story is that he was smoking weed and his punishment was a hundred hours of community service… way to be Jeff. I’m sure he’ll do all hundred of those hours high off his ass. Dave then goes up. Fifty hours of community service. Not bad, not bad. Now, Rich goes up. I’m extremely curious as to what this sick fuck actually did. “It says in the report you threw a beer bottle through the windshield of an officer and then yelled, ‘Fuck you, you pig,’” the judge said. Holy shit. Rich is a douche bag. He was still being a douche and saying that was false and that he never yelled that. So, I’m guessing he did throw the bottle. I think you’re screwed, bro. They call my name and my stomach flies up. They ask me what happened and I said that I was wrong and will never do it again. The judge asks me when the next time I will have a drink will be…I say 21. Hm. My punishment was the worst out of all of them. Read a book about drinking underage and alcoholism and write a two-page essay about it. Are you serious? Write a Goddamn essay? Thanks Professor Asshole. Along with the essay, I have to do 20 hours of community service, but an essay? Come on.
To this day, I have yet to go to a concert. But hey, at least I got to go to jail… not. So here’s a small piece of advice: when you’re drinking in public, have enough sense to actually look out for cops, and walk into the next fucking parking lot before it’s too late. And if you get tasered by the police, invest in a fucking suit for the hearing. And last, if you’re going to throw a beer bottle at a cop car and call him a fucking pig…well, maybe just don’t do that.