I think it’s about time that we analyze some of the gossip that’s been leaking all over the internet today. We are specifically going to discuss three things, all of which have absolutely no impact on your life, but are nonetheless ridiculous and funny to read about. So without further ado, here are some of the useless goings-on in the fantasyland of Hollywood.
Bieber Musk
Now you can smell like a young lesbian with a mushroom cut! The possibly castrated 16-year-old recently announced that he is coming out with his own fragrance line. Just in time for Christmas, too! This kid thinks of everything. Here’s the catch, though: It’s not the normal spray-on perfume that you’re used to. Instead, it’s a bunch of wristbands and dog-tags that reek of adolescence. The line is called “My World,” and consists of several scents for both tween girls and gay pedophiles. The accessories come in a variety of styles including Energy, Tour, Web, and Icon…all words that I now instantly associate with Bieber Fever.
Stupidity With the Stars
Well, the actual show is called “Skating With the Stars,” but come on. Unless you are a trained figure skater, you are going to embarrass yourself trying to do a triple lutz. No amount of rehearsing is going to fix that. At least we can laugh at all of the dumb reality stars trying to extend their 15 minutes. The main problem with this show isn’t the skating part, though, but the “stars” part. I never even heard of most of the people they tossed into “Dancing With the Stars,” so I’m guessing the situation is going to be the same here. They should really just call the show what it is: “Falling Down on Ice With the Marginally Famous Reality Television Actors.”
Charlie Sheen’s New Life Partner
After the ridiculous hotel room fiasco, Chazz realized he had to clean up his image. So no more super hot porn stars for him; He’s moved on to greener pastures. Now, he is living with a dude. But not just any dude. This guy is a “Sober Coach.” Basically, he’s going to follow Charlie around and tell him not to drink. He’s even going with him to work…wait, is Two and a Half Men still on the air? The kid is like 20 years old now, right? Anyways, Charlie is going to listen to his advice, and then blatantly disregard it. Let’s be honest here: Charlie Sheen loves to get wasted, break stuff, and bang hookers, and no passive-aggressive hippie is going to stop that, even if he’s with him 24 hours a day. Don’t believe me? The actor has had other sober coaches before, and they obviously didn’t do stuff.
