By Finn Finkel
Every college student has their own routine when they come home after a night of debauchery/taking a few years off of their organs. What kind and how these night caps are carried out depends entirely on your levels of inebriation and ability to plan ahead accordingly.
Big Nut Bust
This is the Number One priority for any straight college male on this planet. I mean, getting fucked up and playing some drinking games is definitely something I can get behind, but at the end of the night, every dude is going to want to go home with something he can stick his second brain into. We are built this way ladies, don’t blame the creation, blame the creator (Zeus tossing lightning bolts and shit up in the clouds).
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying go out and steal/break a bunch of shit. I personally haven’t ever exercised this option (well…maybe in high school a bit), however I have seen friends go out on rampages and they look like they are having an awesome time. So one can only assume breaking things is really fun, and stealing things, well… street signs are sweet decorations.
Cousin Mary Jane Decided to Visit Us at 3am?
Oh Gee Whiz! Best Night Cap Ever? No I already discussed what was, however this isn’t a bad Plan B. After a long night out and some failed attempts at getting laid, sitting back and doing a bit of chiefing is pretty damn relaxing. This gives ample time to play video games, watch some television, sit around giggling like an idiot or prepare your next snack.
Shoveling food down one’s throat after a night of indulging in some of the finer things is pretty standard. Get me one of those California Pizza Kitchen frozen thin crust pizzas and I’ll go to town. Of course, the options are limitless. You could stop by the local late night spot on the walk home, crush some leftovers you intelligently left for when you came home stumbling through the door, order some delivery and fall asleep before it arrives, awakening to 16 voicemails of some delivery dude hooting and hollering. It’s all a win in my book.
If you don’t want to partake in any of these awesome options, you could always pop some Advil and chug some water. I left this off because, well, it doesn’t even qualify as a night cap, just a complete disgrace to the term. Just remember 2-6 AM on those Saturdays and Sundays can be the greatest collective moments of your life.