You just brought a girl back to your room, and things got heavy pretty fast. You’re ready to have sex, and want to put on the perfect background music. You put your iPod on shuffle, and to your dismay, the first song that comes on is Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” Before you can make a desperate attempt to change the song, your date’s clothes are back on and she’s walking out the door, snickering. This, my foolish friend, was entirely preventable.
College students fail to recognize the importance of the music they play during sex. The songs you choose to listen to whilst boning a girl say a lot about you, and can have a surprisingly drastic impact on your lovemaking ability. Merely putting your iPod on shuffle runs the risk of the occasional embarrassing tune, and the last thing you want to hear when you’re boning some chick you never plan on seeing again is Train’s “Marry Me.”
Creating a playlist ahead of time can save you a lot of potential shame, and can ensure that your smush session goes exactly as you want it to. Lucky for you, I’m here to help you out. Here are some suggested songs that you should add to this playlist ASAP.
Jet – Are You Gonna Be My Girl
If you are trying to get off as soon as possible, and could care less about her pleasure, this song is perfect. Trying to keep up with the ridiculously fast beat will help you finish before the song is even over, and you’ll burn quite a few calories in the process.
Kanye West – Love Lockdown
If you genuinely like a girl and want to give her mind-blowing sex that she’ll brag to all her friends about, play this song. The bass makes it sexy, steamy and downright perfect. It’s not exactly romantic. It’s just awesome sex in a song. Passionate, yet primal. It’s nearly impossible to not perform well with this track blasting.
Nine Inch Nails – Closer
“You let me violate you. You let me desecrate you. You let me penetrate you.” Perfect lyrics. If you want to get a little freaky – switch up positions, tug her hair, etc. This song is perfect for bringing some pent up aggression and craziness into the bedroom.
Ryan Adams – Desire
If you aren’t exactly good at sex, and need to rely on romance to distract your date from your pathetic inability to satisfy her, this song should do the trick. Its beautiful, sweet, and doesn’t require you to follow any sort of beat.
Charlie Sheen – Winning
If you haven’t heard one of the countless Charlie Sheen auto-tuned quote songs on YouTube, get on that. Download one ASAP, and throw it immediately onto your sex playlist. Nothing could possibly be more ‘WINNING’ than fucking a girl while the Sheen sings motivational quotes in the background. No homo.